A Rant ....

So there's goona be a new site called Lovetastic.

As only Joe can do it, he started quite the interesting debate on the concept (which you can read about here).

In my comments below, which I posted in Joe's comments and have copied here, you can see I don't have a lot of enthusiasm for the site, which in short is a "meet and greet" site, like Manhunt, Big Muscle, and the like...only, as Joe notes, Lovetastic "requires that members only post pictures of themselves fully-clothed."

So,being as I was already in a cranky mood today, I decided it was Ok to give in to the crank and put in some of my two cents:

There are more nuances to the issue, more "back" to the "story." For one, upon further reflection, it occurred to me that at Lovetastic, they claim to "do things differently. Our dating profiles are designed to elicit more self-disclosure than a guy's preferred sexual position or the size of his bank account," Isn't the subtext here "size of his dick" and "whether one's a top or bottom" and maybe whether one has a taste for muscle, bears, leather or something. And not focusing on this or that sexual element or appetite is different? Really? Hmmm...haven't we been there before, haven't we done that? Wasn't that the point of sites like Gay.com or Planet Out Personals. Even My Space or Facebook (which I now admit I mistakenly placed on equal footing with Big Muscle, Manhunt and that set, though in point of fact perhaps My Space/Facebook is more inclusive or rather less exclusionary and "categorizing" in this respect than the others...I mean you can even find straight peopple on those sites (not that there's anything wrong with that). But if Gay.com and Planet Out did it first, then how is Lovetastic so new and different? And in light of the fact that sites like Gay.com and Planet Out's personals are in a sense then the "first generation" of meet and greet sites, then doesn't that make later incarnations like Manhunt, Dudes Nude, Big Whatever* the "second generation" of such sites. Like Meet and Greet version 2.0. And what does that say about us (our community) other than that we have gone from a more traditional personals site to those designed for speedier hook-ups by splashing C and A (yes, you are correct, that would be Cock and Ass) all over our profile pages. Lovetastic is not new then in the way they claim to be an improvement over "the past, [where] many businesses aimed at our community seemed to believe that gay men were more interested in hook-ups, body image, and bar-hopping than in finding lasting relationships." They are in fact a regression, a call to uninstall
Meet and Greet 2.0.

And even at those sites like My Space and Facebook in the one group, where you will find great numbers of ____ (again, in the interest of political correctness, choose the appropriate label for your self identification since that conversation is best saved for another post-- gay men, queers, boys, fags, men who have sex with men, homosexuals, other), guess what, a number of those pages/profiles contain a strong emphasis on the sexual image of the poster...i.e. muscles, abs, more or less deliberately enticing and/or salacious images designed to ellicit interest. It seems to me that rather than finding love, what most of these men really seek is to be "wanted". Lovetastic sees themselves as " a hopeful alternative for gay men who want to love and be loved." It appears to me however the need to be desired or acknowledged as "desirable" is as great as the need to be loved, maybe greater. For if one is not desired or acknowledged as desirable, then one can't possibly be loved and is for all practical purposes invisible. That's why managing these sites and the image of oneself that is projected thru these sites is of such paramount importance. These sites are successful because that drive (and of course the male sex drive) is so strong and these websites (as asynchronous communication) work so well in this regard. It's much, much harder to so carefully manage and groom how one comes across in the real world where life, emotions, impulse and gossip can so easily interfere.

Now, you might say "But, you have links to these Big Whatever sites in your sidebar. WTF? What gives guy?" Well, you know, that IS a good question. I, um, think I'll chalk it up to research.... Yeah, that's it, I need to be able to access my research easily. (That and the eye candy. )

*fill in the blank: Muscle, Muscle Bears, Ego... whatever